Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
