i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
