who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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