I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
