I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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