what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
