i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
