are you so shy because you have an std?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
