I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
