FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
