I heard we made out
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
