Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
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Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
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There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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