Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
