so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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