He uses pillows to masturbate.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
