can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
