you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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