Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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