your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
