And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
