I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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