Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
