I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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