u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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