last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
