Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
