i just had sex bonerless
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
