so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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