do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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