What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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