We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
