It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
