Where did you get a picture of my penis
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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