My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
