then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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