I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
