Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
