OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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