I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
