Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize