I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
