why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I need a burrito and a hug.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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