My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
and she was petting her beer can
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Text me some of your sweat
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
