I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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