he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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