If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
