I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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