Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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