I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
two words: eviction party
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
