can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
