My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
