Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
