i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
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Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
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i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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