sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
