after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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