During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i barfeds in our rink
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
