chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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