oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
