omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
