Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
