i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
