Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Randomize
