Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
