She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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