We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
