i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
