DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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