Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
