if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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