That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
