No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
