i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
