I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
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It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
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well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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