Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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