i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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