I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
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8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
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You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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