mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
