Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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