I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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