I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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