Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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