he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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