that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
