Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
