the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
