I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We had to coat check the pizza.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
