So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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