: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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