Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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