FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize