So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
