I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
only you would photoshop your dick
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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